A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P.A. system.

''As soon as I clock off'' he said, ''I'm going to have a nice cold beer and then screw the arse off that blonde flight attendant.'' The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over in the aisle.

A little old lady sitting there whispered, ''There's no need to hurry love, he said he was going to have a beer first.''

Yes I knew the same but he was asking for "a coffee and a girl to ride".
And as the flight attendant goes to see the pilot to warn him that everyone hears someone says "Hey you're forgetting the coffee"

Why did God create alcohol?

So the Irish wouldn't take over the world


Up The 'RA :ph34r:

Ireland has one of the world’s heaviest rainfalls. If you see and Irishman with a tan, it’s rust.

The Irish climate is wonderful, but the weather ruins it.

An Irish politician is a man of few words, but he uses them often.

I’m an atheist, thank God.

A hangover for me is when the brew of the night meets the dawn of the day.

It was a perfect Irish marriage - she didn’t want to and he couldn’t.

My family’s land was all in window boxes.

If bullshit was music that fellow would be a brass band.

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for a funeral.

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick.

My father had a profound influence on me - he was a lunatic.

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about.

Some people don’t like the Irish, but we’re very popular among ourselves.

How do you wink at a brit? :D

like that: (IMG:http://gothic.gamesweb.com/smilies/smilie_death.gif) ??

I know the answer! Fionas' one is very close!

*cocks gun and aims* :D

You got it ;) :D

everyone, meet Julia :huh: She can JAM too :D

An Irishman, Englishman and Scottsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.


The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.


The Scottsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.


The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard!Spit it out!"

A Russian, An American, and an Englishman were sitting in a pub talking. The Russian proclaims... "We were the first ones to travel in Space" The American Proclaims..."We were the first ones to land on the moon" The Englishman says "I am going to be the first person to land on the Sun" The Russian and the American look at each other in disbelief and tell the Englishman "You will just burn up". The Englishman replies "Duh, I'm going at night"

Patrick! That looks very familiar!!! :D

There were two Brits that were refuse collectors. Each day, they would make one trip thru belfast, then to the dump, a second trip thru belfast, and then to the dump. By that time, the day was pretty well over.
One day, one of the Brits has a hot date that night. They decided to make two trips thru belfast and one trip to the dump so he could get done quicker.
After the second trip thru belfast, the truck was getting pretty full. The one Brit said he would climb on top of the garbage and hold it down while the other one drives.
On their way to the dump, they drove underneath a bridge. Fianna and Chucky were standing on top the bridge watching them when Fianna said "Hey, look at that. Someone threw away a perfectly good Brit" :D