The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo-Irish accords. The crowd is HUGE-THOUSANDS. Her majesty and his holiness cant help but have a little rivalry, both being heads of churches and all. The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, The royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen, "Your Majesty, That was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this day and rejoice. They will recount it to their grandchildren and they to their descendants." The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me." So the Pope SLAPS her.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

A little boy in West Belfast found an orange sash on the street and picked it up and wore it. When he walked back into the house his brother saw it and started shouting "What the hell are you thinking boy? You take that rag and throw it in the bin!" So the little boy walks into the kitchen to do just that but there his mother sees him. "What the hell are you thinking boy? I don't want to see that rag in my house, you go and burn it!" So the little boy walks into the living room to do just that by there his father sees him. "What the hell are you thinking boy? You go to the garden this minute and bury that filthy rag!" So the little boy wanders to the back door, muttering under his breath. "I can't believe this shite, I've been an orangeman for five minutes and already I've been re-routed three times!"

I got sent this ages ago and I still don't get it. If any of yous find this funny let me know...I must be missing something...

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about British churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to London, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South, East, West and North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "�10,000 per call". The writer, being intrigued, asked a minister who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The minister replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for �10,000 you could talk to God. The writer thanked the minister and went along his way.

Next stop was Nottingham. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that for �10,000 he could talk to God. He then travelled to Liverpool, Manchester, Chester, Cardiff, Glasgow and Birmingham. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "�10,000 per call" sign under it.

Then he arrived in Belfast and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read, "10p per call" The writer was surprised so he asked the pastor there about the sign. "Father, I've travelled all over Great Britain and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every County the price was �10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?". Ian Paisley smiled and answered, "You're in Belfast now son, it's a local call".

:wacko:

If I had to guess, Being in Ireland is as close to heaven as you can get (except for those damn Brits) :ph34r:

Two Brits are walking down the High street when they see a sign in a shop window. Suits L15.00, Shirts L2.00, Trousers L2.50 One said to the other one, "Look at that- We could buy a lot of that gear and, when we get back to England, we could make a fortune, When we go into the shop, dont say anything, let me do the talking, 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not serve us, So I'll speak in my best Irish accent." They go inside and he orders, 50 suits at L15.00, 100 shirts at L2.00, and 50 trousers at L2.50 The owner of the shop says "You're English aren't you?" The Brit replies "Oh brother.....Yes I am, How the hell could you tell?" The owner says..."'cause this is a dry cleaners" :unsure:

In a Belfast school there is a new boy in a class... The teacher asks him:
- What's your name?
- Liam O'Brien.
- You should add "sir"!
- OK! Sir Liam O'Brien...

How do you get a Brit out of a tree?.... Cut the rope :ph34r:

What has the queen mother and princess diana got in common?

.........they were both hitting 102 when they died.






AND






What gets stiff with two strokes?

.......Princes Margaret

A Irish man runs out of a pub with his arms on fire and the Garda charged him with having an armalite.

Up The 'RA :ph34r:

I don't know Noel, she was a member of the British Royal family, a symbol of old British imperialism and power. They have no power now and very little influence, especially Diana, but they're still targets.

Anyway, she was a fucking hypocrite. Fuck her.

But your right, she wasn't the worst outta them.

Irelands_Son, class signature. :ph34r:

Sl�n tamaill.

A British 'Blonde' is standing in front of a soda machine... She puts in 2 coins, then presses the Coke button. A can of Coke comes out the bottom. She starts jumping up and down with excitement. She puts some paper currency in, presses the Coke button again, Not only does another can of Coke come out, but 2 coins as well. She starts jumping up and down again ecstaticly. She puts the 2 coins in the machine, presses the Diet Coke button and sure enough, a can of Diet Coke drops down. She is jumping up and down screaming with excitement. Fianna and Noel are standing there watching this happen. Fianna walks up to her and says 'What are you doing?' She looks at Noel, Rolls her eyes back and says, 'Duh, I'm WINNING'

:D Nice personal touch, good stuff!

By the way kids, on the subject of vending machines, try squirting salty water into the coin slot...sometimes, especially with older machines, it'll short circuit the electronics and you'll get a shit load of cans...or if you're very lucky, all the machines change! :D

Sl�n

Nice trick, ya creep.

How'd you find that out? Just happen to squirt salty water in a vendy machine one day? :lol:

It was shown to me! :D

But we only got cans. And it has to be the older machines. I'm not sure about the change though, I haven't seen that...if anybody wants to verify it for me, go ahead!

There was a coffe machin in my school. It didn't work very well. So if you put money in and can get your coffee, well.. that's winning.

Well, that's not a Republican joke, but anyway

Insanity Test

Let me know the results... as for me, well, it was positive

lmao!

lock me up